Wednesday, January 24th was a scary day for our family. My father-in-law was diagnosed with colon cancer. It hit our family like a ton of bricks.
I had always known that I loved Dr. Dean, or “Papa,” as many of us call him. Ever since I met him for the first time in 1991, he’s been a role model and someone I admire and respect. When I married his daughter in 1993, I knew I loved him, and his family. I guess what I didn’t know was how much I loved him until last week. I guess I always thought there was a level of love for “in-laws” and it wasn’t as deep as the level of love for your “real” family. I really don’t know what I thought, to be honest.
Papa is as good of a man as you’d ever want to meet. He’s a hard-working, kind, sincere, humble, and honest man. He and “Nan” make a wonderful couple that we truly love to spend time with. Papa is what every person would want in a father-in-law and grandpa. He’s just an amazing person.
I guess I’ve let the “in-law” side of things mask how I feel. Maybe it’s not “cool” to love your in-laws like the rest of your family. I don’t know. There are so many jokes about people not enjoying their in-laws, etc. Nothing could be farther from the truth in my experience. I’ve been blessed with Nan and Papa as my in-laws and they’re amazing. I truly look forward to spending time with them. Nan is my sports buddy as we go to all kinds of different athletic events together. Papa is my fishing buddy and although we seldom catch tons of fish, we always have a good time together.
As I felt the pit in my stomach grow on January 24th and then as tears burned my eyes, my initial grief went towards thoughts of my wife. She loves her dad so much. I cried thinking about how much she was hurting. I struggled to think of things to say and do to help her process this info. I wanted to make sure I was “there” for her as I haven’t always done a great job of that in the past.
My sorrow then turned towards my four children. They love and admire Papa so much as well. They have so many great memories with him too. I struggled to find the words to tell Jeb and Bo. I had to tell Micah via telephone and didn’t want to share too much. Taylor was told by Liesl and I wanted to follow up with her to see how she was doing.
Next, I began to think of Nan. She and Papa are a happily married couple coming up on their 58th anniversary in a few weeks. They are inseparable. I didn’t want to think of Nan without Papa. I don’t like to think about Papa without Nan. They’re one and the same in my eyes…like peanut butter and jelly.
My thoughts then began to linger to others parts of the family, my nieces and nephews, brothers-in-law, and sister-in-law. Papa is such a huge part of all of our lives. We want and need him around for many more years.
After I processed all of these emotions and made mental checklists about each member of the family, I was still overcome with grief. I soon realized it was my own. I love Papa like he is my own. Again, it is weird to describe….I always knew I loved him but I didn’t know to what level until last week. The pain and sadness I felt couldn’t have been any worse if it was my own flesh and blood, my own parents. My love for Papa (and Nan) is not restricted by the title of “in-laws.” We’re simply “family.”
Well, on January 29th, Papa had successful surgery to remove the cancer. We now wait to see if it spread throughout his polyps. He looked good when I saw him after surgery. Tired and in pain, but who wouldn’t be? There was a huge sense of relief throughout the entire family.
This latest dose of “perspective” reminded us all to let our loved ones know how much they mean to us. It reminded us all that nothing should be taken for granted. It reminded me of all the things Papa has taught me over the years.
It made me realize how lucky I am to have married into the family led by Nan and Papa in Omaha, Nebraska. We continue to hope and pray for Papa to make a full recovery and to live many more happy and healthy years.
Papa has helped make me a better man. I'm not as good as I want to be but I'm getting there and he deserves a lot of credit for being the kind of role model we can all look up to.
I love you Nan and Papa.
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