This will probably be one of my longer blogs. This topic has been weighing on my mind off and on for several years. I’m writing this mostly for students and young people but I hope adults can get something out of it as well.
Social media can be a huge problem. It’s not real life. Our happiness should NOT derive from how many retweets, likes, screenshots, or comments we get from various posts we make.
Too many people are missing out on “real life.” I’ve seen and heard teenagers and adults openly complain that their recent post about this victory, that accomplishment, or that championship not getting as much attention on social media as they had hoped. That’s crazy to me. We shouldn’t aspire to be successful so others can take notice on social media. We should aspire to be successful because it feels good, because our hard work is being rewarded, and we have the opportunity to represent and help others as a result.
Social media can often be fake.
I use Twitter and Facebook a lot to promote York Public Schools. If you look at our tweets and posts about YPS, you might think everything is amazing and we have no problems. You see, we post things about the awesome work going on in our classrooms. We post pictures of amazing artwork, wood projects, and assignments our kids complete.
We post scores of victories by our various teams and organizations, pictures of state championship banners, and videos of our dance team, cheerleaders, and band. We use social media to PROMOTE the York Dukes.
But you see, YPS is like every other single user in the universe. Everything is NOT perfect. We have tons of things we don’t post about. We have students that get into trouble. We have some staff members that don’t perform up to our standards. We have humiliating losses. We have embarrassing issues we have to address. We’re human. Just like you. Just like everyone else that uses social media.
I worry that too many of our young people look at everyone else’s Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, and Twitter and think everyone else is happy all the time, everyone else is popular, everyone else is doing amazing. We’re not. None of us are.
I have more debt than I wish I had. I don’t have as much money in savings as I would like. I weigh more than I want to. I wish I was three inches taller. I’m not proud of everything that all of my family members have done. Life is NOT perfect and I don’t think it is supposed to be.
None of us have a perfect marriage or a perfect family despite how many beautiful posts we make about our vacations, family meals together, etc. None of us have the perfect job. None of us have the perfect life. We live in an imperfect world.
I want and need our teenagers and young people to understand that. We all get depressed at times. We all get left out at times. We all feel isolated at times. We are normal. We don’t typically post our biggest fears and largest shortcomings on social media but we all have them.
Kids today actually stress out about what to post on social media. What will make me look cool? Does that picture make by butt look big? Is my hair messed up on this potential profile picture?
I wish we could all relax. Social media often makes us feel like we have to compare ourselves to everyone else 24/7/365. He has 598 followers on Twitter and I only have 314 followers. Is he “better” than I am? She got 84 likes on her recent Facebook picture. I only got 42 likes. Is she prettier than I am?
Don’t do things to enhance your social media profile. Do things to make you happy and better…in REAL life.
I’m blogging this for myself too. I need to take my own advice.
YPS will continue to use social media a lot. We enjoy it. We take pride in promoting our students and staff. We want to continue our efforts with digital citizenship with our students to help them see the numerous ways social media can be used constructively. We just want our students to know that social media should never replace real life.
Many of spend too much time thinking about what we are going to post on social media instead of just enjoying the moment. As tears of happiness filled my eyes in the waning minutes of the football state championship game this past November, I had the tweet and facebook post ready to go. It would not have mattered to me one little bit if nobody else liked it or re-tweeted it. The results would not have been altered. My memories are not impacted by how many others enjoyed the posts via social media and yours shouldn’t be either!
Young people, please know that social media does NOT define you. Anyone can look good on social media. We can all fake it on social media. We can all talk a big game on social media. What really matters, is how we LIVE our lives, how we treat others, how we feel inside.
Social media makes it easier to bully others and put them down. She looks ugly in that dress. His acne is disgusting. Their team stinks. I can’t believe he can’t afford a nicer shirt to wear in that picture. That dance routine was awful. Anybody/everybody has a voice through social media. Not everyone chooses to be kind. It’s easy to be a “keyboard tough guy” with no face-to-face accountability. Avoid those folks like the plague.
Social media, if we’re not careful, forces us to judge, rate, and compare each other more than ever before. How did she afford that nice dress? My dress isn’t as fancy. How did he get a boat like that? Don’t spend your time worrying about what others have. Worry about YOU. Appreciate what YOU have.
If your sense of self-worth and happiness is going to be determined by others perceptions of you through social media, you will NEVER be satisfied. You will always need more. Take care of yourself.
Use social media in a positive fashion. Just understand it’s not always real. When you’re scrolling through Facebook before you go to bed, just know that we all have fears, shortcomings, embarrassments in our past, and things we don’t like about ourselves. We’re all human. NOBODY is living the perfect life. NOBODY is stress-free.
NOBODY else should define your happiness. You work hard, you do things the right way, and you control your attitude.
Live your life for you, not social media.
Thursday, June 21, 2018
Tuesday, June 5, 2018
Leaders Should Not be too Proud to Ask for Help
Let me take you back to Christmas Eve 1989. It is my senior year in high school in Ocala, Florida. I'm at a very fancy Presbyterian Church and I'm way out of my comfort zone.
You see, I grew up going to Mammy and Pappy's Southern Baptist Church in Oxford, Florida just south of Ocala. At the First Baptist Church of Oxford, Florida; where Mammy played the organ for over 63 years, we did things a little less fancy than other churches. As I remember it, and this may not be 100% accurate, we took "communion" a few times a year. A big plastic or styrofoam bowl of chili crackers were passed around and you took some. You didn't say anything...you just took it and passed it on. Soon after, a tupperware platter of grape juice was passed around in plastic shot cups and you took some of those too, again, without saying anything to your neighbors in the pew. Depending on how many chili crackers you had, and I was known to take a good sized handful, you might wash it down with 3-4 plastic shot glasses of grape juice.
That was the "communion" I was used to. So, here I am on Christmas Eve 1989 sitting in between the Presbyterian preacher's daughter and his wife in the front row. Talk about a fish out of water.
As the service worked towards closure, it was time for communion. All of a sudden, these beautiful and shiny gold and silver laced platters were being passed around. There were perfectly cut bread cubes all the same size that people were taking one of and placing into their mouth in a very solemn and careful manner. I was scanning the pews intently. As the platter made it's way to my hands, the Preacher's daughter said something to me in a matter-of-fact tone. This really took me by surprise. As she said these words, the lady behind me coughed or sneezed and I was fully unaware of the words I heard and was supposed to say as I moved the platter to my left.
This whole thing probably only took 5-seconds but it seemed like an eternity. I began to panic. Because of the cough/sneeze behind me and the words coming in from my right, my brain processed that I heard, "this is broken leg of Jesus Christ for your sins." I began to sweat.
I reluctantly turned to the Preacher's wife with sheer panic in my eyes. I held out the heavy and golden platter with alligator arms afraid to fully extend and hand them over. I said, "here is the broken leg of Jesus Christ for your sins." The look she gave me in that moment will never be forgotten. I was horrified, embarrassed, and ashamed. I messed up and offended a Preacher's wife on Christmas Eve in their church! What kind of heathen was I?
Of course, what was said to me, and what I should have said, was "The body of Christ broken for you." Being unprepared and then getting an earful of sneeze/cough at the perfect time sent me into a tailspin. I should have whispered to the Preacher's daughter what I was supposed to say. I could have found out ahead of time. I could have shut my mouth and not said anything!
I often think back to this story, now that I can laugh at it, and think about leaders not being afraid to ask questions, to seek help, to pursue clarification. Saying "I don't know" is ok, even for leaders. That sure would have helped me out on December 24, 1989.
You see, I grew up going to Mammy and Pappy's Southern Baptist Church in Oxford, Florida just south of Ocala. At the First Baptist Church of Oxford, Florida; where Mammy played the organ for over 63 years, we did things a little less fancy than other churches. As I remember it, and this may not be 100% accurate, we took "communion" a few times a year. A big plastic or styrofoam bowl of chili crackers were passed around and you took some. You didn't say anything...you just took it and passed it on. Soon after, a tupperware platter of grape juice was passed around in plastic shot cups and you took some of those too, again, without saying anything to your neighbors in the pew. Depending on how many chili crackers you had, and I was known to take a good sized handful, you might wash it down with 3-4 plastic shot glasses of grape juice.
That was the "communion" I was used to. So, here I am on Christmas Eve 1989 sitting in between the Presbyterian preacher's daughter and his wife in the front row. Talk about a fish out of water.
As the service worked towards closure, it was time for communion. All of a sudden, these beautiful and shiny gold and silver laced platters were being passed around. There were perfectly cut bread cubes all the same size that people were taking one of and placing into their mouth in a very solemn and careful manner. I was scanning the pews intently. As the platter made it's way to my hands, the Preacher's daughter said something to me in a matter-of-fact tone. This really took me by surprise. As she said these words, the lady behind me coughed or sneezed and I was fully unaware of the words I heard and was supposed to say as I moved the platter to my left.
This whole thing probably only took 5-seconds but it seemed like an eternity. I began to panic. Because of the cough/sneeze behind me and the words coming in from my right, my brain processed that I heard, "this is broken leg of Jesus Christ for your sins." I began to sweat.
I reluctantly turned to the Preacher's wife with sheer panic in my eyes. I held out the heavy and golden platter with alligator arms afraid to fully extend and hand them over. I said, "here is the broken leg of Jesus Christ for your sins." The look she gave me in that moment will never be forgotten. I was horrified, embarrassed, and ashamed. I messed up and offended a Preacher's wife on Christmas Eve in their church! What kind of heathen was I?
Of course, what was said to me, and what I should have said, was "The body of Christ broken for you." Being unprepared and then getting an earful of sneeze/cough at the perfect time sent me into a tailspin. I should have whispered to the Preacher's daughter what I was supposed to say. I could have found out ahead of time. I could have shut my mouth and not said anything!
I often think back to this story, now that I can laugh at it, and think about leaders not being afraid to ask questions, to seek help, to pursue clarification. Saying "I don't know" is ok, even for leaders. That sure would have helped me out on December 24, 1989.
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